"Same Child, Different Day" Site Closing: Where to go now

Because of the useful and relevant information it provides, "Same Child, Different Day" will stay up and available. However, I will no longer be monitoring this site. Our life has taken a different direction, and I've developed two new blogs to reflect that.

"Read All You Want" is my writing blog, and I will be using it as a writing portfolio as well. It has autism anecdotes, but now only as they pertain to my writing. Please click here to see what it has to offer.

The second blog, "Our Journey, Our Way," touches on how autism affects us as we travel through life: to restaurants, bowling alleys, arcades, beaches, parks, theme parks and any other travel experience.  Please check it out, and feel free to share and comment.

In fact, please share this post, and bring your and our friends to another look at life with autism spectrum disorders.

Thanks for your loyal support, and I look forward to traveling with you and writing for you on my other blogs.

Ten Things You Would Overhear Every Day in Our House

Anyone reading this post has stories to tell about the goings on in their unique household.  I’m sure you have even said things that, to a neighbor listening in, would sound as though you were drained of all coherent thought.  In this post, I want to share with you a list of ten things we say in our own home that, while not all necessarily quirky, we should at some time record for easier playback.

Though I agree that there are likely a households out there that repeat one or two of these phrases daily, in our House of Chaos, there isn't a saying below that doesn't go unsaid every day.  Ten of the most popular are, in no particular order..

1)  “NO PASSWORD”:  Each and every mother loving day, Nolan insists on connecting with one manner or other of electronic device.  We try not to connect him with anything that can display a movie, mostly because of numbers 2 and 3 (and in part #4) below.  Because we lock the devices, part of that objection requires us to repeatedly utter “No Password,” to which we are met with screams, repeated volleys requesting the secret code, crying, high decibel whines and whatever ruckus he thinks will annoy us into giving in.  If we do, we are guaranteed to holler…

2)  “NO PAUSE/PLAY”:  This should actually read “No Pause, Play, Stop, Fast forward, Rewind, Eject, Reinsert, Freeze frame, Zoom”, but I wouldn't have time to type all that (especially since we only say this statement every day).  Like I said in #1, we try to keep the remotes, Wii controllers, computer and iPad passwords, smart phones and other DVD/Netflix access points away from Nolan.  If we slack (daily) and he gets a hold (daily) of one of the aforementioned forbidden items, he will resort to pressing any combination of the electronic commands listed above. To do so is to feed caffeinated cane sugar directly into the vessels of his sensory diet.  That leads to us yelling…

3)  “STOP BOUNCING”:  As do many kids with autism, Nolan stims.  Repetitive movie quotes, humming in a way that mimics the Tasmanian Devil, and the “typical” hand flapping are all daily self-stimulation activities we have come to know and love.  But, every time we cue the intro to Spongebob Squarepants or Yo, Gabba Gabba (or any other sherbet-colored children’s television show), our +100lb. boy starts rocking the joint --- and I don’t mean by being musically inclined.  When he starts bouncing, the living room sways, the TV that (if I do say so myself) is securely mounted to the wall begins to jiggle, and you can ride the surf of the hardwood floor boards the length of the house.  Then, it isn't long before we yell…

4)  “TURN IT DOWN”: This may be the least fair of all the items on this list, because --- let’s be honest --- what parent doesn't at one time or another crave peace and quiet?  In this case, though, we’re talking about both Madison and Nolan, and redundancy.  It’s every day, several times a day, that we utter this statement.  Whether it’s the iPad, Netflix or that robot we bought for Christmas, the device unfailingly manages to reach a decibel level somewhere between “chainsaw” and “fighter jet squadron”.  Ask the user to “turn it down”, and they will --- but only until they think we can no longer hear it.  Then, the child will kindly return the volume to its previous ear-bursting level, most likely so we don’t miss out on all the fun ourselves.  Of course, while this is going on with one child, to the other, one of will have to say…

5) “STOP WHISTLING”:  Guess what Madison has learned how to do.  All the time.  Ask her to stop whistling, however, and she will reach an indignant posture that is reserved for the most arrogant diva.  We may have asked her to stop whistling because its suppertime, Mom is sleeping or she has been at it for eleven hours.  Regardless, all she heard was that she would never again be allowed to whistle for the rest of her life.  She sulks, we get upset, she has to go to bed, then we have to say...

6)  “STOP KISSING THE MIRROR”:  There’s a nice, full-length mirror hanging on the hallway side of our bathroom door.  Though she’s no sort of “clean freak”, Lori is wiping that thing daily.  It would appear that neither Nolan nor Madison is intimidated by nor suffers from heightened hypersensitivity caused by this shiny, reflective decoration.  On the contrary; each one --- eight and nine respectively, mind you --- cannot resist placing a full-on lip smack every time they head through the bathroom door.  Not long after this, we will have to tell Nolan…

7)  “YOUR UNDERWEAR IS ON BACKWARDS”: One might think that this phrase is reserved for me.  Rest assured, I usually get this one right the first time without too much instructional assistance.  Poor Nolan does this so often, though, that (well, first off, it made this list; and second) I’m beginning to wonder if at this point in time he thinks that’s just how they go on.  No matter; it isn't long before we have to beg…

8) “NO MOMMY’S BED”: This one has only been nightly for about three months.  A year before that, it lasted a little over a year and a half.  I mentioned previously how Nolan demands nightly and repeatedly that he wants to sleep in our Lori’s bed.  It isn't a quiet request and it won’t arbitrarily happen.  Oh no.  Even on the off chance he falls asleep in his own bed, by between 12:30 and 3:30 in the morning, Nolan will end up in our bed.  We no longer try to fight him on it, either.  Not if we want the rest of the house to get any kind of sleep.  And, at that time in the morning, I just want to get to my sofa.  Then, in the morning, there is no doubt Lori will have to say…

9)  “WAIT FOR IT”:  We really should put that Angel Guard seat belt latch cover back on the buckle.  This nifty device keeps Nolan (any child, for that matter) from unbuckling the belt.  Otherwise, every day as soon as the van slows to Docking Speed, we hear the dreadful ‘click’, and he is standing up.  Lori started saying “wait for it” as she would travel the loop in front of Nolan’s school on the way to dropping him off.  If she drawls out a slow “waaaaaait for it,” the boy will at least stay buckled in --- even though he may think she’s playing a game.  It works in parking lots, driveways and fast food drive-thrus…go ahead, try it at home.  While you are doing so, I’ll explain that we constantly have to tell Nolan…

10)  “GET YOUR HAND OUT OF YOUR PANTS”:  Again, this one amazingly is rarely directed toward me.  And, once again, Nolan and his underclothes made the list.  This one happens so frequently that he can recite it back to us on command.  One afternoon I had to stay after work for a meeting; Nolan was allowed to hang out.  Lori left him with his iPad, and I had him situated in our meeting room on a beanbag.  I turned around to check on him and, there he was, in this room full of female teachers, digging in The Valley.  All I was able to say was, “Nolan...”  As if we had rehearsed it (and I guess in a way we had), Nolan replied, “Get your hand out of you pants.”  Oh, how they laughed...

Way to stay classy, son.

~~Jon

Same Child Different Day: Voted one of the best autism blogs in the industry!

What an Honor and a Surprise.  I opened my email today to find that Same Child, Different Day has been voted by BlogNation.com & Autismblogs.org as one of the best autism blogs on the 'Net!

What an honor.  We even got a cool badge thingy!

Autism: The things some people say, Part IV

Grocery shopping for us has never been a boring event for us.  Heck, take this incident from a few years ago as an example.  Today we still have to do everything we can to minimize the chaos we can bring during any shopping trip.

One of the things we do, and that helps us immensely (and in turn helps you), is to put Nolan into the basket part of an extra shopping cart.  We've tried to let him help us push the cart, and grab things off the shelf.  But, that doesn't always turn out so well.  Note: We also refuse to make him stay home every time we shop.  Then it wouldn't be "we" anyhow; since a reliable PCA is nearly impossible to find, it would end up being "me" or "her".  And, while shopping alone can be quicker, its just one of those things we do together.  So, all 100 pounds of Nolan ends up in a shopping cart he shares with his sister, who still fits in the seat.

Understandably, you can imagine the looks we get from putting our child in the back of the cart.  The message on the handle of the shopping cart reminds us what we are doing is not suggested.  The loudspeaker is also good about scolding violators with regular chastisements.  Even as we turn the corner at the endcap between the pasta and bread aisles, I shudder in angst as I expect the girl stocking the milk to PIT maneuver our cart into the chocolate bars, strip off her apron, brandish a Shopping Cart Police badge, shove a price gun in my face and call for the Parking Lot Guy to back her up by surrounding us with a ring of carts he just rescued from the corrals.

Sadly, as they would be reading me my rights and calling the Department of Children and Families to save my children from their plight, the Point of Purchase Tactical Response Team (P.o.P.Ta.R.T) would miss the true criminals cruising the aisles right under their noses.  Those people?
Dog Owners. (I like dogs and most of their owners --- let me explain!)

You see, we recently had One of Those Days in our local Aisles-o-Plenty where we received repeated comments, glances and observations about hauling our autistic son through the store in the basket of the cart.  Ironically, one of these commentaries came from someone with a "baby" of their own in the shopping trolley.  Granted, their precious little one was in the child-safe portion of the carriage.  But, it was not a baby by the definition I would use.  Their "baby" was a furry, tailed little creature with a runny nose and a flea collar.

The last time I checked, it was suggested we not place our human child in the grocery section of the carriage.  But, clearly marked in the doors of the entrance to nearly every grocery outlet in America, it is a health code violation to carry your pet into the store.  I won't even get into my opinion regarding bringing a domesticated animal into an establishment where food is sold.  I won't debate between the terms "pet" and "companion".  And, based on the level of REM sleep this one was expreiencing, I doubt sincerely this was a dog who was on the clock.

The question I want to ask is, how does putting my autistic son in the basket of a shopping cart to make a better shopping experience for us and the other shoppers, warrant negative reaction (especially when, by doing this, there will be less chance you will have to interact with him than if he was not in the cart)?  However, the pet owner who carries an animal through the store in the shopping basket, clearly and obviously in violation of state health laws, gets told "what a cute baby" and doesn't see the contradiction when personally reminding us of our own transgression.

My one suggestion: don't be surprised if P.o.P.Ta.R.T is there when your "baby" makes an accident on the floor.  Unless, of course, they are busy frisking me for competitor's coupons.

~Jon

Autism Awareness Survey

Would you please share about ten minutes to take this important autism awareness survey? There's no cost; there are no vendor links; you will not be asked to buy anything. I'm simply looking for your input to nine short questions regarding autism awareness and I would appreciate your help.  It's also totally confidential.

Click here to take survey

Autism: The things some people say, Part III

Yesterday, EPEC, my Rutland, VT autism support group had the good fortune of being able to set up a booth at a local community health fair. It was a really good time and we had a great turnout.

Well, it was a good time for most of us.

To read more, swing by the EPEC autism support group blog to read the article, or click here.

~Jon

Autism Awareness: Define "normal"

We're three weeks away from Autism Awareness Month and World Autism Awareness Day. There's a push for folks to wear blue on April 2, and buildings from the Empire State Building to the Sydney Opera House will be bathed in an azure wash. There's even a call to add a cobalt hue to the White House. Here in my home town of Rutland, Vermont we will again be hosting "Celebrate the Spectrum", a full month of community-based events and activities centered around autism awareness.

Hopefully, there will be something to show for all of this awareness advocacy. The question is: will it ever be more than blue shirts, awareness ribbons, support walks and sound bytes? I hope so. But, when there isn't a month supporting my son and those like him, other questions abound.

• 
  
  My son walks normally, not with a limp. Why would he warrant a "handicapped" tag?
  



• 
  
  He looks just like any other normal kid on the playground. Why doesn't he play kickball with the other boys?
  


• 
  
  He doesn't come into the restaurant in a wheelchair. Why can't he just sit normally like his two quiet sisters?



• 
  
  Every other normal person in the room is whispering amongst themselves. So, why does he have to sing and hum so loudly, and keep beating his hands on the wall?
  


• 
  
  Why can't we just let go of his hand like any other normal kid?
  


• 
  
  He just looks so ... normal.
  

There's the issue. Autistics (or those with autism, or however you choose to phrase it) don't look different than anyone else in the room. No curved spine. No wheelchair. No Cochlear Implant or hearing aid. No guide animal or white cane. Nothing to identify that they are facing what you and I would consider a challenge.

Once the ribbons have faded, the walks have wrapped, the donations have been tallied, and the light bulbs replaced with the color of the next support event, our loved ones living with autism will go back to looking normal. And, when they have a meltdown in the middle of Costco because the humming fluorescents and PA systems became too much, we will go back to being the parents who can't control "that unruly child".

Because memories fade, and human nature is in us all.

I guess that's just normal.

~Jon

Off Topic: My Wife's New Family Blog

No, I don't mean my wife has a new family (though sometimes I see her daydreaming...). Lori has decided to throw her hat into the blogging fray with her new blog Nothing More, Nothing Less.

In it she talks a little bit about each of our kids, her frustrations and fears, her attempt at tackling college with all that's going on around us, and putting up with me (which, I would have thought would have been the most pleasurable of experiences...you think you know someone).

Anyhow, if you get a chance, please stop by her blog and give her your thoughts, encouragement and suggestions. Oh, and remind her what a great guy I am.

Really.

Do it.

Please...

~Jon

Some December Tidbits from "Same Child, Different Day"

I just realized that this must have been a busy month. I haven't posted anything in almost 4 weeks which, no matter what has been going on, is a rarity for me! There has been much ado in both our autism and non-autism worlds, and I guess time just got away from me. I mean, holy cow! Can you believe another Christmas has come and gone? Here's where we were last year with this blog: Same Child, Different Day Content - I was still describing the chapters of the booklet and was only on the 4th post! This is the 45th post, and so many people say they have been helped by both this blog and the booklet "Same Child, Different Day: One family's experiences during the first year after a child's autism diagnosis": Review, Reader Critiques, Global Reach, Radio Interview.

I wish I could write more often; I should write more often. But I can only do what I can do. As I have done once before (and am sure I will do again), here are a few tidbits from the past few weeks, both related and unrelated to our autism work --- because it all relates, doesn't it?

• Our new business is forming nicely! I'm just waiting for the VT tax department to get back with me on a couple questions, and I need to finish designing one form on my end. I have a meeting with BROC Micro-business --- a free, community-based service in our city which helps new entrepreneurs --- on January 7. If this all works out (and it has to), in the end it will mean much more time to spend with the family. God knows, Lori could use the help! How do you manage work and therapies?
• Speaking of Lori, she'll be starting college in the summer. She'll attend the Community College of Vermont and is looking to concentrate on Pediatric Physical Therapy. Has dealing with autism inspired you in any way?
• I published an article on Associated Content in opposition to our state Medicaid department making the unilateral decision to reduce Nolan's coverage. Since our local papers wouldn't print it, I took it online. One reader was prolific in her comments, and feels that my opposition is counter to the best interests of Nolan. I tried to explain the crux of the article regards the state agency making an unqualified reduction. The commenter implied that, regardless of the entity making the decision, we are using our therapists as a crutch. Please slide over to the article and post your comments. I value your opinions.
• We wrote a 4-page letter to the state, requesting they reconsider the above decision. Surprisingly, a week later they wrote back that they had, and his services are once-again covered to an acceptable level. Tell us if you have ever had to battle with state agencies.
• Then, we found out from our private insurance company that they (the insurance company) should not have been covering Nolan's services based on his diagnosis. So, to make an already-frustrating situation even worse, I'll have to battle with them, along with my illiterate state legislature that doesn't believe autism should be covered by insurance. Does your state require insurance companies to cover autism therapy services?
• (Downer Alert!) We found Christmas to be tough this year. As far as I'm concerned, Christmas in our house is about the kids. Lori and I like to give each other gifts, too. But as long as the kids get taken care of, and are excited Christmas morning, our job is done. Well this year we were looking for a great reaction from Nolan, based on some of the strides he has recently made. We'd hoped, anyhow. Instead, while his sisters eagerly tore open gifts and screeched happily, Nolan paced the house, covering his ears and making noises akin to Taz of Looney Tunes fame. He did play for hours with one of the toys we bought for him (an inflatable ball pit with a tower and "ball" waterfall), but somehow, it just wasn't the same. My good friend Deanna, who is always the most wonderful voice of support, encouraged on Twitter, "you may have a long way to go, but remember the journey is worth it. Sometimes hard to do, I know...". You can say that again, Deanna! Tell us about times the frustrastration that can be associated with autism has affected your family and how you have coped.

~Jon

Now Monitoring Comments on Same Child, Different Day

Good Evening, Loyal readers.

I want to apologize to all of you that I must now moderate the comments you post. I recently received a post from someone who was less than respectful to all of you. While I believe that thought provoking, challenging debates are healthy for our community, I do not have to tolderate abusive language or belittling comments. To those of you who share differing opinions in a respectful and fair manner, thanks for that and please continue to do so. You make us all the better for it.

That said, please click here to return to our current discussion, or here if you are new to Same Child, Different Day and want to start at the beginning.

Thanks and have a nice evening.

~Jon